I was personally challenged to stop medicating with relationships for a year by one former longtime boyfriend. He also happened to be my former therapist. Obviously
I’ve earned the right to expound on all these self-defeating behaviors because I’ve lived them myself!

It sounded like a death sentence. As we parted ways he told me, “You need to be celibate for a year; you need to learn to be on your own.”

I decided to meet the challenge. It was one of the most painful, and ultimately one of the most rewarding experiences I’ve ever had. I found that through taking
the path that didn’t seem so easy, I learned to be by myself; to quench my thirsty, lonely soul with the flowers in my garden or with the wet snuffle of
the neighbor’s dog in my face; to sing myself into solace as a mother would soothe her crying baby with gentle songs; to force myself to take my camera
and do shooting assignments for photography class by myself… to host special dinners on my porch and not feel as though I weren’t whole because I didn’t
have a date of my own.

All of these emotional stretches were opportunities for true inner strength to blossom…

Perhaps the biggest hurdle of all was spending numerous weekends alone in the mountains, where I owned a condo and knew no one. My solitary ventures
to Sapphire Valley, NC, and Bald Rock, the power spot at the pristine, silent mountain lake served me with salvation.

For seven years I’d bitched about my man and his many shortcomings, and finally I put the focus on me. Amazing how much less I had to bitch about!

And what an incredible blessing that was! I was so depressed I was barely able to put one foot in front of the other as I trudged around the glistening, sparkling, divinely deserted lake. But the solitude and the journey within healed me. From that long trek through the Void, creativity began tumbling out…

My heart was so broken… My own lyrics to the old Methodist hymn This is my Father’s World became my Balm of Gilead.

It was, and is, a love song to myself and to my valiant little heart, shattered as everyone’s heart is over and over in life…

The effects of this powerful little ditty on my heart were amazing. Eventually my heart began to pop out again, like a tiny chipmunk peering from its hidey-hole when the feline danger has slunk past. After having been stomped flat, truly crushed, it did begin plumping itself out and beating steadily once again. What a resilient muscle the heart is!

My heart filled with hope. Never give up.

MY LITTLE HEART SONG

“I love my little heart; I make room for it to grow…
When it peeps out, I want to shout, ‘My heart, I love you so!’
My little purple heart–it expands as it grows whole….
And all God’s love flowing from above fills up my hopeful soul.”

Happy Valentine’s Day

1. Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy: Cognitive refers to thoughts. For example, I think I may be going crazy. Contrast this with the idea, I’ve had thoughts about going crazy before and I’m still functioning.

Behavioral refers to how we act. Learning how to act in new ways produces new results.

2.Support Systems: Form a support system of encouraging and understanding persons. Sometimes this can come in the form of constructive confrontation–people gently letting me know how my behaviors adversely impacted others.

3. Medication: In a great film called Panic Prison, Dr. Jack Gorman talks about the irony of people who are afraid to take prescription medicine to allay anxiety symptoms, yet continue to use alcoholic beverages. Of all the anti-anxiety treatments, he notes, the one most likely to cause great harm in the long run is alcohol.

And there are more, including Education, Spirituality and Taking Risks.

If you have a loved one suffering from panic disorders, agoraphobia, or even Obsessive/Compulsive Disorder (OCD) –(Blaise said he made the sign of the cross so much while playing for his high school team that the coach asked him what was going on), this wonderful, heartfelt book may shed real sunshine into the black hole of self-doubt and help them reconnect with life.

Homebound No More

The suggestions below are from my mentor Jennifer McLean www.mcleanmasterworks.com and I appreciate the thorough instructions.

Over the years I’ve found that setting intentions is as powerful (if not more) for me than setting specific goals. When I intend to live on a higher level of BEING, goals in the third dimension come to fruition more easily. Here are the tips:

On a sheet of paper, write out all of the things from the current year that you’ve outgrown, no longer want in your life, no longer work for you, and anything else you feel you want to shed and leave behind.

On a separate piece of paper, write all of the things you can think of and feel that you want to grow and expand in the new year.

Then burn each paper in separate dishes or shells, making sure all pieces are turned to ashes.

Then, when cooled, put them into separate envelopes or containers (film canister, Ziploc baggie, etc.) and mark “to shed” and “to grow” on the container.

Around 5 minutes before midnight, start visualizing all the things on the “to shed” list, and see them slip away, see them blown away and washed away, out of your energy field, out of your life and out of your reality.

Then go outside and pour the “to shed” ashes into your hand and let the wind scatter the ashes away and release them and all they represent, as the old year fades away.

After midnight, after blessing the new year, with the second container “to grow”, visualize all of these goals, desires, etc. coming to fruition, to this level of reality.

I bring that envelope down to the garden, and with a stick dig a small hole, then plant these ashes in the earth, near a tree or in a special place, (for those in apartments, I encourage them to use their favorite houseplant).

The ashes are a reminder of the life cycle, the power of nature and the honoring of Mother Earth, that these seeds of hopes and dreams are nurtured into reality, in the coming year.

This ceremony was offered by one of Jennifer’s subscribers Maureen Collins, a wonderful artist and jeweler back in 2009. She has done this ever since with tremendous success and wanted to share it again with you all for 2012. You may want to try this and tweak it and do it a way that suits you.

At this time of year, it’s especially clear that how and where we direct our intentions–and our dollars–has immediate impacts on ourselves and the causes we support.

Researchers in the field of consciousness studies have found that giving is good for you–for your health, your happiness, and your sense of purpose!

Consciousness research, which has been studying the science of giving for decades, has taught us that giving and receiving are among the most healing expressions that humans can make. They can help heal the separateness we often feel from ourselves, each other, and the environment.

According to IONS-sponsored research, acts of altruism can elicit a positive immune system response:

• Dr. Jeff Levin, an epidemiologist, found that a correlation exists between almost every dimension of love and patients’ descriptions of better health, more positive emotional well-being, higher self-esteem, and a sense of personal control in their lives.
• Results of IONS’ Compassionate Intention Study suggest that loving or compassionate intention can influence a person’s physiology, ranging from brain activity measurements to skin conductance.

Research by IONS colleague Dr. Stephen Post, professor of bioethics at Case Western Reserve University and president of the Institute for Research on Unlimited Love, suggests a strong correlation between a person’s well-being and their inclination toward altruistic acts.

An especially compelling study conducted by Dr. Dean Ornish demonstrated that feelings of increased interconnectedness with others can change gene expression, making relationships critical to health and well-being.

Your contribution to IONS helps bring these ideas into the world. Be part of this new story of our human potential by giving to an organization that supports the advancement of our fundamental interconnectedness!

A group of kittens is raised in an environment that has only horizontal stripes. When they are released into a more open space which has curves or vertical lines, they bump into things–because they literally can’t see anything they weren’t raised to see.

Recently in my class Values, Vision & Good Vibrations, we talked about the absolute necessity of staying focused on what we DO choose to experience in life–especially if we’re stuck in the muck.

The more we focus on muck, the more muck exists. Being stuck in the muck is like being a kitten raised in horizontal lines and never seeing its way out of it.

One of our dear friends in the class is enduring a long stretch of muck– and, regrettably, seems unable to focus on anything other than an unending seeming series of misfortunes involving money, health, relationships, family, you name it.

So, when our assignment for the next session was to choose some ACTION STEP that would be personally uplifting, she mentioned a local pottery studio where she has a membership–but didn’t know how she’d raise the money to buy the clay.

Immediately the others in the group reached into their purses and handed her a wad of $5 and $10 bills — more than enough to buy plenty of clay–a true cause for celebration, one might think.

Instead, she was so overwhelmed by the generous gesture that she proclaimed herself too guilty to keep the money. Tears streamed down her face and all of our hearts opened to her to help her lift herself up.

Needless to say, we insisted that she keep the money and show us the results of her creative endeavors at the final session–and I believe it will be something quite beautiful.

My point is this: Even when she got exactly what she had asked for, she wanted to reject it. The old “I am not worthy” excuse.

I’ve done it before, I confess.

Is this one of the self-thwarting mechanisms you use to shoot your-own-self in the foot?

Checks appear from out of nowhere (that long-forgotten tax refund or the money owed for a loan); calls come from unexpected benefactors. Staying attuned to the perfect ebb and flow of the universe, and stepping out in faith like The Fool in the Tarot deck, never knowing what the next day will bring, but fully expecting our daily bread….

In Adventures on the Quest, Richard and Mary-Alice JaFolla offer their ideas as to how we can know whether or not we’re in tune with the Universe.

Questions we should ask about the situation:

* Is it for the greater good of all involved?
* Is energy flowing in that direction?
* Are doors continuing to open?

If our instincts make us recoil; if the still, small voice is clamoring NO, should we reverse our own objection and travel on that path?

In my opinion, the best answer lies in prayer and meditation.  What are we recoiling from? Is it something that will drain our energy and prevent our journey to our own calling?

Delightful Dr. Susan Jeffers states in Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway, “Don’t protect, correct!” If we recognize shortly along one leg of our journey that it’s taking us in the wrong direction, we don’t need to stay the course until we crash on the rocks that we spotted from the distance!

excerpted from “Going Sane” in BACK TO THE GARDEN: Getting from Shadow to Joy, now available on Kindle.

Dad & I enjoyed an RCI timeshare condo populated by Brits on the sunny Mediterranean, and although my role was cook, nurse, maid, luggage wrangler and tour guide (at least to getting him on the bus), we still had a blast, because Spain is Spain, after all!

So for me there was no mistaking the message my father, Joe Dickey, was sending me when I got the sad, unexpected news of his passing, three days into my China trip.

Since I knew he really wanted to be traveling with me (and he had FOUND A WAY), I decided to stay with our group, Master Chen’s Wudang San Feng Tai Chi Academy. Many of our American members competed in the International Tai Chi Competition and brought home lots of golds–but that’s another story–lots of pomp & circumstance!

The day after I learned of Dad’s passing we’d made it to Wudang Mountain, sacred to the Taoists, mystical and magical with its impressive, amazing temples up (literally) thousands of stone steps.

Our group stayed at a lovely hotel with a large dining room that piped in mostly American music, with lots of country tunes and the standard MUZAK fare, which seemed to play in an endless loop throughout the week-long competition.

Imagine my surprise and delight while sitting at breakfast when “Lady of Spain I Adore You” was piped in on the MUZAK. 

To me, that was an unmistakable message from my dad, a message from the beyond. And although I heard the country tunes several times over, “Lady of Spain” never
played again that week.

Just last July, a few months after his MAJOR blow-out 85th birthday celebration, to which our dear relatives streamed from several states to the Masonic Village near
Philadelphia, I’d had this conversation with him:

“Soon I’ll be 90,” he said, musingly. (His mother lived to 98 and played church organ until she was 85. All cylinders fired perfectly until three weeks before her death).

“Don’t you think you might be free by then, Dad?” (He had been in a wheelchair for months; required all kinds of care; couldn’t get out of bed by himself; diabetes, etc).

“What do you mean, free?”
“Free of your physical body.
You do believe we’re more than our physical body, don’t you?”

He just looked at me, asking me with his eyes to continue.

“Dad, I’m not trying to rush you, I’m just saying that everything I’ve studied, from The Monroe Institute to all kinds of authors say that when you leave your physical body, you can BE ANYWHERE you want to be, just with a thought– you can be at the Eagles game or the art museum; you can be dancing or at parties or with family or cultural events of any kind. It sounds pretty good to me, to be so unencumbered.”

Although we didn’t discuss it again, I hope I was instrumental in planting that happy seed in his mind.

And THANK YOU, Dad, for planting all the happy, optimistic seeds you planted in my mind. Despite everything in your hard, hard life, you always gave us a smile.

Hence my objective to do only the things I ENJOY doing– then I can BE IN JOY and ENJOY BEING.

Back on June 7th, I sat in Laura West’s Business Goddess Bigger Money Game workshop crying about how all I wanted to do was go to China in October but I didn’t want to be stressed about $$ when I got back, and so I needed to generate an additional (at least) $30K or more by September 15– with a fudge factor up to departure date of 10/4 good buddy.

Basically, I had no idea where it would come from except for $6K known income (PR client) and a few hundred from yoga teaching, since all of my coaching clients were midstream in their six month development programs with me, and already paid.

Here’s what I did to boost things along:

*In tears, I surrendered aloud and put forth the intention for the additional $30K or more in the Business Goddess  circle–and felt relief over having expressed the truth:  basically all I want to do is have fun (and what’s wrong with that?)

*I used The Monroe Institute Manifesting with Hemi-Sync CD a couple times in powerful group meditations at my home

*I wrote down the intention & visualized myself being completely at peace during my travels because I’d put all my ducks in a row beforehand

*And worked my butt off this summer to “make things happen”– ran a couple of classes, got new coaching clients, had three major public presentations scheduled in September (Atlanta Women in Business; Live Your Legacy Summit; and EWomen Network).

Things were happening slowly & steadily but still a major question mark HOW the last $7-8K would manifest.

Then right at Labor Day the infection around my right implant that plagued me all summer (7 rounds of antibiotics) returned. That was it. The surgeon and I had agreed that if the infection returned, I’d have to have the implants removed to let everything heal completely. Because of the three talks scheduled for September, I had to push the surgery to September 20th– a week ago Tuesday– two weeks before departure for China. Would I even get to go?

That went fine and I feel great–even did yoga yesterday.

Still wondered where the final $6K would come from as of Monday.

On Monday I met with the videographer who taped my 3 presentations and we pulled 8 nuggets to mount to YouTube (another one of my objectives in BizGoddessIntensive).

When I got home my accountant had called regarding my income tax return to discuss. I’d forgotten that I’d carried over several thousand $$$ paid in over the past few years because I’ve been on the Healing Journey and my expenses precluded any taxes…. She told me I had a tax refund that I could receive of $6072!!!

But it gets even better. I had been completely anal about charting every dollar that I earned from various sources this summer… and I knew down to the dollar how much I needed to meet the $30K goal:  $6079.   

The GUIDES MADE IT UNMISTAKABLE THAT THEY HAVE ASSISTED MIGHTILY IN RENDERING THIS UP–BECAUSE THE DIFFERENCE IS ONLY $7!!! (According to my friends at The Monroe Institute, with whom I’ve been studying since the early ’90s, our Guides have great senses of humor).

Seven is MY FAVORITE NUMBER– it’s the number on my license plate 777 LED which came to me in 1999–and it’s my lucky number.

THE MIRACLE OCCURRED—because I trusted, surrendered, and diligently took action all along the way–while EXPECTING good things to happen.

Tap into that wave of gratitude and let it lift YOU up!

Although I don’t really gravitate to the word “obedient,” it really is a matter of recognizing that “where there’s no will, there’s a way.” Stop trying to force my will on the outcome that I believe is THE WAY.

This statement is really a corollary to holding a goal gently in your hands–because if you don’t grip that one specific goal so tightly, there’s room in your hands for the Universe to place far greater miracles than you could ever imagine.

It’s all a matter of knowing how and when to release willfulness and petty little demands, squawking for exactly what you think you want, exactly when you think you want it.

The gospel song tells us, “He’s an on-time God, yes He is!” God definitely shows up on his timetable, not ours.

Excerpted from “Beautiful Bouquet” in  BACK TO THE GARDEN: Getting from Shadow to Joy